On the Outside Looking In

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Learn to understand and support someone in recovery

Being on the sidelines of a loved one’s life, watching the pitfalls of addiction, is hard and discouraging.

Strained relationships aside, it can be difficult to simply relate to what they’re going through. The first step of this long, difficult journey is to understand addiction at its fundamental level. This will set us up to better understand recovery, too.

Addiction is a chronic and complex brain disease that is treatable. Substances, like drugs and alcohol, interfere with the way the neurons in the brain process, send, and receive signals. They cause changes in the brain that affect its reward system, stress, and self-control. These changes can last a very long time after the individual has stopped using them.

Published

05/20/2022

Category

Recovery Management

The Importance of Being Open-Minded

Recovery takes patience and time.

It’s important to understand that relapsing is a part of recovery and it’s very likely to happen. This is why awareness of the disease is so significant. It is vital to understand that this disease does not discriminate. It can be your neighbor or your best friend. It can be a person from a wealthy family in a great neighborhood or a person from a disadvantaged socioeconomic neighborhood.

Another thing to be aware of is that most individuals struggle with dual diagnosis or co-occurring disorders. This is when a person struggles with addiction and mental illness at the same time. Sometimes it’s hard to determine which one occurred first or which one caused the other. Half of the people who have an addiction have a mental illness or vice versa.

The Importance of Family and Peer Support

Addiction has an impact on the entire family or the ones who are closest to the person struggling with this disease.

It can strain the relationships within the family unit. It can also cause financial issues and instability, putting the entire family at risk for all types of abuse. Abuse can be emotional, mental, physical, or psychological. Regardless of the presence of abuse, a life of addiction hurts more than just the person that’s struggling.

Trust is both the most important and hardest thing to get back. However, it can be done! For so many people, it’s difficult to ask for help or accept help when it is offered to them. Try to be as understanding as possible when giving advice, even if you disagree with their current efforts. Show continuous love and unconditional support, even when times are tough. Use direct, honest, and respectful communication to set clear and healthy boundaries.

The Importance of Setting Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are emotional, mental, or physical limits set in place for the overall well-being of every person.

They’re meant to be a safeguard for everyone. The point is to support a safe, supportive, and respectful environment for relationships with the ones involved. They create the space for everyone to express themselves in an honest and assertive manner. Boundaries, most importantly, protect each person’s own beliefs, values, and needs.

Boundaries can also define and limit behaviors that are and aren’t acceptable in a relationship. Having boundaries set, especially in codependent and toxic relationships is such a crucial step that should be taken in recovery. Setting these limitations means putting ourselves first. This is a huge part of the healing process. Too often we are overly concerned about other people, such as children or a significant other, and we neglect what our own body and mind need.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries can mean and touch on many different things.

They can be physical, emotional, financial or even moral boundaries. What’s important is that they’re clearly defined, tangible, and actionable. Here are a few examples of healthy boundaries that you can implement with your loved one in recovery.

  • Not allowing them to use in your home or in your presence
  • Not bailing your loved one out of jail
  • Not lending money to them
  • Setting curfews (if they are living in your home)
  • Having them pay rent (if living in your home)
  • Not seeing or speaking to them when they are actively using
  • Not providing transportation to any location aside from places of employment, legal or medical significance
  • Setting expectations on communication, using honesty and “I” statements

For most of us, the toughest part of setting boundaries isn’t defining them, it’s following through if they’re broken. We need to be clear on the consequences of breaking the boundaries set. Consequences could be cutting off communication, no longer allowing your loved one to live in your home, etc.

None of us enjoy seeing our loved one struggle, but there is a fine line between empathy and enabling. One of the best things you can do is seek support and accept that you’re not responsible for their actions. You can love from a distance and still take care of yourself.

Conclusion

Key takeaways

  • Substances interfere and change the way the brain functions and processes
  • Addiction can take hold and affect anyone
  • Substance use disorder and mental health disorders often come hand-in-hand
  • Trust and support are hard but crucial to reacquire
  • Healthy boundaries benefit both the individual and their family and peers
  • Boundaries allow all involved to be honest and assertive and protect their individual beliefs
  • Boundaries set behavior limitations for toxic and/or codependent relationships

Challenge

Apply to your life

Reach out to someone you know that’s in recovery this week. Let them know you understand them and what they’re going through just a little bit more. If you’re really close to them, try setting some of the healthy boundaries listed in this article.

A Recovery Community Center in Chesterton, Indiana.

This location is also the studio and homebase for content creation on Artistic Recovery. The team of professionals at Three20 conceive, draft, and edit many of the articles you find here. These recovery resources are a collaboration between certified recovery coaches, creative writers, fitness trainers, artists, musicians, and chefs. Most importantly, our content is written for people in recovery, by people in recovery.

Lindsay Violanti

Lindsay works as a Certified Addiction and Peer Recovery Coach (CAPRC-II) at Three20 Recovery. She is in long term recovery, and in April 2022, Lindsay received her Bachelor’s of Science degree in Psychology in Addictions from Purdue University Global. She has lived personal experience relating to both addiction and mental health. Lindsay is passionate about this type of work and is excited to continue her education.

Credit where credit is due

Portions of this article were originally sourced from medlineplus.gov, medcircle.com, Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, and National Institute on Drug Abuse. If you would like to check out additional recovery podcasts, videos and articles, check us out at artisticrecovery.org.

Conclusion

Key takeaways

  • Substances interfere and change the way the brain functions and processes
  • Addiction can take hold and affect anyone
  • Substance use disorder and mental health disorders often come hand-in-hand
  • Trust and support are hard but crucial to reacquire
  • Healthy boundaries benefit both the individual and their family and peers
  • Boundaries allow all involved to be honest and assertive and protect their individual beliefs
  • Boundaries set behavior limitations for toxic and/or codependent relationships

Challenge

Apply to your life

Reach out to someone you know that’s in recovery this week. Let them know you understand them and what they’re going through just a little bit more. If you’re really close to them, try setting some of the healthy boundaries listed in this article.

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Boundaries are emotional, mental, or physical limits set in place for the overall well-being of every person who is involved. They create the space for everyone to express themselves in an honest and assertive manner. Boundaries, most importantly, protect each person’s own beliefs, values, and needs.

Lindsey Violanti

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